How to be a Good Sports Parent
Realistic Expectations, Burnout Awareness, Development > Competition
Youth sports in the US is a booming business, accounting for almost $20billion in revenue in 2019. Simultaneously, though, participation in youth sports continues to decline, even as revenues soar. What gives?
There are a number of reasons for this paradox, but I’m mainly going to focus on parental involvement in youth sports (ages 8-18).
Ask any coach what the ideal sports parent looks like, you’ll probably get a small range of similar but nebulous adjectives like “supportive,” “unintrusive,” “understanding.” Coaches’ explanations run the gamut from ego-oriented (don’t question me, I’m the coach) to conscientious (your kid needs your support, not your expectations). Either way, parents wield tremendous influence over the entire youth sports process.
With that foundation here’s what an ideal sports parent looks like.
Realistic expectations - No one likes unrealistic expectations, and it goes without saying that all parents want the best for their kids. However, the majority of parents think their youth athlete is much better than they actually are. This manifests itself in a variety of destructive patterns: coaching from the stands, confronting coaches/officials when they don’t like an outcome, and expressing disappointment that their 10 year old dropped a fly ball. All of these actions are utter nonsense and none of them matter. It’s better to think that your kid isn’t that great and have them surprise you or even more so to not have any expectations whatsoever and just let your kid play a game. Kids need unselfconscious support from their parents, not expectations.
Awareness of signs of burnout/overtraining - “no one cares work harder” is a popular phrase in sport circles these days and it’s as detrimental to athletes as unrealistic expectations. In 1970, youth athletes practiced/trained more than 10x as much as they competed. In 2020, they compete 3-5x more than they practice/train. This hyper-competitive emphasis on outcomes leads to physiological and psychological decrements. Sleep disturbances, substandard academic performance, decreases in appetite, irritability, and general low mood are all signs that an athlete needs a break from sports, not an extra push to “work harder.” Know these signs like you know their favorite book.
Development > competition - In the 2018 Winter Olympics, Norway garnered a lot of attention for their medal count. Unsurprising, right? Winter sports are huge in Scandinavia, so their medal count, even relative to their small population, didn’t shock anyone. What was surprising though is how Norway developed their Olympic athletes. They don’t allow youth athletes to compete until they are 14 years old! This is blasphemy in “exceptional” American youth sports environments where winning is the goal! American youth athletes experience overuse injuries at rates 3-4x higher than in other developed nations with over 50% of all injuries as a result of overuse. All that being said, the goal of participation in youth sports is DEVELOPMENT: of technical skill (specific to sport: throwing, kicking, shooting), tactical skill (specific to game: working with teammates, game plan), general fitness, and confidence. If you’re a parent of a youth athlete and you emphasize outcomes (winning, scoring, performance) over development, you are doing your kid a disservice.